The Eyes Are The Window To The Soul

The Eyes Are The Window To The Soul
The Eyes Are The Window To The Soul

Quote Of The Moment


Don't listen to those who say, 'You're taking too big a chance.' Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today

Sunday, November 2, 2008

See you later Reggie Baker - (Dad)

"Death is always a surprise, even when it is expected, and it is a painful reminder that we don't have forever to show those we love how much we really care about them. Don't put it off till its too late. Tomorrow is too long to wait."


I know it inevitably happens to all of us but it still hurts so bad. The man I have considered my Dad passed away this morning. No, not my biological father. But, the man that hugged and tickled me as a child. The man who showed me what a real man should be. He is the one that I have set my sights out for when I pursue a relationship. He was the man who was going to give me away if I ever get married. He was my Dad.

He was the kindest, funniest hardworking man I have ever had the pleasure of being around. Both he and his wife (Yvonne) taught me about family and the love that love endures. Yvonne lost her husband of 45 years this morning. It was her birthday on Wednesday just gone. I knew deep down inside that he would go a few days after. He was her best friend and he had to be here for her birthday. I hope one day to have a love and a friend just like there’s!.

I have know about his condition since April 2008. He had stomach cancer. By the time he was diagnosed it was inoperatible. I went that morning and had his initial tattooed on my right hand. My way of feeling like he is ALWAYS with me.



A lot changed for me from when I found out. I have this strange inner sense that every now and again comes to the front. Back in April in the middle of the night when I was in Orlando something disturbed my sleep. I had this deep feeling that was forcing me to phone my sister. It was that day she told me the news.

This morning at 2am I got that feeling again. I turned on my phone and had a message from a family friend. I just knew what she was going to tell me.

I admit I have been the biggest whimp all through this summer. I didn’t go to see him until the Friday before I left. This is something that I will have to deal with and justify only to myself. In some ways the time I spent with him that Friday was enough for me. It changed me immensely. I sat in the hospital and was once again taken back to being a child. I held his hand for nearly 3 hours. He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb the same way I remembered as a child. Even though I never said it he knew I had come to say goodbye. I didn’t care about how he looked to me he was still the same STRONG, GREAT man that I love and remember as a child.

I arrived in the USA on Thursday afternoon. Right now I just want to get on the first plane and go home. I’m on the other side of the world by myself trying desperately to deal with this which is why I decided to write what I'm feeling and date stamp it. That way this moment will never be forgotten.

I know he wants me to be right where I am right now. In my last phone conversation with him days before I left he told me to go. I said ok and ended the convo by saying ‘I’ll see you later’.

So Reggie Baker I say it again ‘ I’ll see you later and thank you for everything that you did to make me the person I am. I love you with all my heart ‘


Jx

6 comments:

  1. Joice,

    I've read your blog before ( via D.O.'s blog) but never commented. I'm truly sorry for your lose. My grandfather died of pancreatic cancer and like your father it was too late to operate when the cancer was discovered. I didn't expect him to leave us. I thought he would be here for all of the important moments in my life that had yet to come.
    Know that your father is with God and that he is in a better place. You will see him again. Every time you glance at your tattoo you can think of all the great memories and precious moments you shared together. I'm sure your father knew how much you cared for him, loved him, and appreciated him. You and your family are in my prayers.....Have a safe trip home......

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  2. Joice, I pray that God touches your heart. No words can heal your pain or replace your void, but I pray that you are comforted by His and Reggie's love at all times. May God be with you and yours in this hour.

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  3. this brought tears to my eyes...i am so sorry for your loss. i'll be praying for you.

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  4. Erin, Jewells, e and Bri

    Thankyou for your kind words and thoughts.

    Jx

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  5. Hey hun
    Have only just seen this. I no exactly how u feel, having lost my dad 6 years ago. U wanna chat u have my number.
    Thinking of you

    Sabrina

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